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From a Therapist:
I often meet mothers who whisper a version of the same confession: “I know social media isn’t real, but I still feel like I’m failing.”
They tell me about the 3 a.m. feeds when they scroll through glowing family photos- spotless homes, sleeping babies, perfectly curated 1st Birthday parties- and feel a quiet ache in their chest. They know these images are curated, yet comparison still creeps in.
As a therapist, I want to say this clearly: your worth as a mother has nothing to do with how your life looks online.
Why Comparison Feels So Automatic
Motherhood already comes with invisible pressure- the kind that tells women they must be grateful, calm, and fulfilled at all times. Social media magnifies that pressure by showing us endless highlight reels of other people’s “perfect” moments.
What we rarely see are the parts that truly define motherhood: the crying behind closed doors, the self-doubt, the moments of wondering Who am I now?
When you’re exhausted or isolated, scrolling can quickly shift from connection to comparison. Instead of relief, it leaves mothers feeling less than.
This is especially true for those navigating postpartum anxiety or depression- conditions that heighten self-criticism and comparison.
The Psychology Behind “Mom Comparison”
Comparison often arises from three places:
Loss of identity.
Motherhood changes how you see yourself, suddenly, everything revolves around caring for someone else. Social media can amplify that loss by reminding you of who you “used to be.”Perfectionism and guilt.
Many mothers carry an unspoken rule: “If I’m struggling, I must be doing something wrong.” Online content that portrays ease can deepen shame, even when you logically know it’s filtered.Loneliness disguised as connection.
Scrolling can feel like belonging, but it’s often one-sided. What we crave isn’t more content, it’s real connection.
If you relate to this, our post Overcoming Mom Guilt: How to Let Go and Heal offers gentle strategies for replacing guilt with self-compassion.
What I Tell My Clients About Social Media
When we explore social comparison in therapy, I don’t tell mothers to delete their apps. Instead, I invite them to notice how social media makes them feel.
Here are a few questions I often ask:
“What stories do you tell yourself after you scroll?”
“Whose content makes you feel calm- and whose leaves you tense?”
“Can you follow people who make motherhood look real instead of perfect?”
Small changes can protect emotional balance without disconnecting from the world. Mute or unfollow accounts that drain you. Curate a feed that reflects authenticity, not performance.
Finding Connection Beyond the Screen
Authentic connection- the kind that heals- happens offline.
- It’s the walk with a friend who says, “Me too.”
- It’s the partner who offers to hold the baby while you shower.
- It’s the quiet permission to say, “This is hard, and I’m still a good mom.”
If you feel lonely or lost, consider reaching out for Postpartum Counselling. Therapy creates a space to explore identity, exhaustion, and the pressures of modern motherhood without judgment.
What Healing Looks Like
Healing from comparison doesn’t mean never feeling envy again- it means noticing the feeling and choosing gentleness instead of judgment.
When mothers learn to hold themselves with compassion, their world expands. They become softer with their children, kinder with their partners, and more at ease within themselves.
That’s what therapy is really about: not perfection, but permission. Permission to be human, to rest, and to love yourself as much as you love your family.
Conclusion
Social media can be a powerful tool for connection, but it can also quietly erode confidence. You deserve spaces that celebrate your real motherhood, not just the curated version.
At Bloom Psychotherapy, we help mothers release comparison, rebuild confidence, and reconnect with their true selves. You’re not behind. You’re becoming.
Book a session with a Bloom therapist today → click here
FAQs
1. Why do I compare myself to other moms online even when I know it’s unrealistic?
Social media activates our natural need for belonging and approval. When we’re vulnerable, those comparisons feel stronger — it’s not weakness, it’s human.
2. How can I make social media healthier for my mental health?
Follow accounts that show honest motherhood, set time limits, and take breaks when scrolling triggers guilt or tension.
3. When should I seek therapy for social media–related anxiety or self-doubt?
If comparison leads to persistent sadness, anxiety, or feeling “not enough,” therapy can help you rebuild self-compassion and perspective.
