We've all felt like a bad mom before. You’ve probably asked it quietly, maybe after snapping at your partner, or putting your baby down a little too quickly when you just needed a break. Maybe after missing something at school, yelling over spilled milk (literally), or realizing you spent the whole day managing everyone else and forgot to eat.
That thought- “Am I a bad mom?”- can hit like a huge punch. It’s heavy and lonely, and for most people, it shows up right after a moment when you’ve reached your limit.
What that question actually means
When someone asks me this in therapy, what they really mean is:
“I feel like I’m not enough.”
“I can’t do it all.”
“I love my kids, but I’m so tired I can’t feel it right now.”
I’m scared I’m messing them up.”
That guilt- the kind that lives right under the surface- often comes from the impossible pressure to be calm, patient, present, loving, and selfless all. the. Time. When I talk to people, they agree this is an impossible task… but they expect it of themselves anyway. And then they feel this feeling when they don’t meet their own (impossible) standard.
Most of us forget that we're not actually failing at motherhood (spoiler: you can’t really!) And most healthy relationships are messy, imperfect, and constantly being repaired.
The fact that you’re worried about being a “bad mom” tells me the opposite, and this is what I often tell my clients- it means you’re paying attention. You care deeply. You notice when something feels off. What that is is attunement. Deep self-reflection.
What being a “good mom” really looks like
It’s not about perfection. It’s about connection (and repair when needed).
It’s the apology after you lose your temper. It’s showing up again when you’d rather hide. It’s sitting in the dark beside your baby, whispering, “I love you,” even when you feel completely empty.
Your kiddos don’t need you to be flawless. They need you to be real, responsive, and human.
When you model what it looks like to have limits, make mistakes, and try again, you’re actually teaching them that being human is safe.
The piece to remember is: You don’t have to get it right all the time. You just have to be willing to come back and try again.
When guilt turns into something heavier
Some guilt is part of caring because it nudges us to reflect, repair, or reconnect. But when guilt starts to feel constant or paralyzing, or worse, when it turns into shame (“I’m a bad mom”), it becomes something else.
That might sound like:
“They’d be better off without me.”
“Everyone else is doing this better.”
“I can’t keep up.”
It might show up in your body: tension, racing thoughts, exhaustion, irritability, or numbness.
You might still be doing everything- the lunches, the laundry, taking care of everyone, the work- but inside, you feel like you’re barely holding it together.
That can be a sign of postpartum depression, anxiety, or burnout, all of which are incredibly common, and none of which mean you’re failing. It just means you need care, too.
What can help
You don’t have to carry this alone. Therapy can help you untangle what’s happening- to separate what’s guilt, what’s exhaustion, and what’s the unrealistic expectations you’ve been trying to live up to (trust me, there are lots of these).
It’s a space to breathe, to say the quiet parts out loud, to remember that you’re still a person underneath all the roles you’re juggling. Therapy can help you soften the self-talk, rebuild trust in yourself, and create space for things that actually fill you up.
If this feels familiar, you’re not alone. At Bloom Psychotherapy, we work with moms in every stage- new, seasoned, overwhelmed, in between. We’re moms too, and we get it.
We’ll help you make sense of what’s happening, find your footing again, and reconnect with the parts of you that feel buried under responsibility.
You don’t have to have it all figured out to reach out. You just have to start where you are. And if taking that first step feels hard, we’ll make it easier for you. You can book directly online or send a quick message to our Client Coordinator, who can help you find the right fit.
You’re not a bad mom. You’re a mom who’s trying, who’s tired, stretched thin, and who’s doing her best.
FAQs
Why do I always feel like I’m failing as a mom?
Because the standards you’re trying to meet are impossible. Guilt often shows up when your expectations don’t match your reality- not because you’re doing it wrong.
How do I stop feeling guilty all the time?
Start by noticing when guilt shows up and asking, “Is this about love or pressure?” Most guilt comes from care that’s gotten tangled with perfectionism.
What if I don’t even like being a mom sometimes?
That doesn’t make you bad, it makes you human. Parenthood is a huge adjustment. Disliking parts of it doesn’t erase your love.
Does therapy actually help with mom guilt?
Yes. Therapy helps you unpack unrealistic expectations, process burnout, and reconnect with yourself in a more compassionate way.
What if I’m scared to tell someone how I feel?
That’s okay. You can start small- a message, a few words. You don’t have to share everything at once. The hardest part is starting, and you don’t have to do that alone.
