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Mom guilt is that feeling where we constantly feel like we're not doing enough as parents, not doing things “right”, or making decisions that “mess up” our kids in the long-run. Mom guilt can be temporary (it can come from having the tablet babysit your kids while you work from home) or it may develop when reflecting back over the longer term (like questioning if you’ve enrolled your kids in enough supportive programs over the years, or if you “could” have done things differently).⠀⠀⠀
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There are a number of different situations that can cause moms to feel guilty. For example, breastfeeding is one of the first dilemmas that can bring up feelings of guilt. While some mothers find breastfeeding to come naturally, others find it more challenging. It might be that they don’t have a difficult time keeping up their supply, suffer from disorders like dysphoric milk ejection reflex, or they may feel touched out, exhausted, and overwhelmed. They may prefer to share the feeding responsibilities with another person, or may not want to breastfeed. Whatever the reason, it is not difficult for moms to feel guilty about how they feed their babies when they are constantly asked or repeatedly told that breastfeeding is the only way.
There are SO many reasons we experience mom guilt, from our personal insecurities to external pressures and messages. With so many of us consuming more social media, it’s easy to see those moms who seem like they have it all together and compare yourself to them. Mom guilt also comes from trying to live up to our unrealistic ideas of how the “perfect mom” looks.
Another common contributor to mom guilt is feeling at fault for asking others for help. Many moms have received the message that they not only need to do everything on their own, but they need to do it perfectly (and act like it was no work at all!). However, trying to do everything yourself can lead to caregiver burnout. There's no shame in asking for help when you need it: After all, it takes a village!
If you’re experiencing mom guilt, the first thing you need to know is that it’s completely normal. It is easy to constantly compare yourself to other moms (who are probably comparing themselves to you as well). What you need to remind yourself is that you are an amazing mother and the best mother for your little ones.
There are many ways to overcome mom guilt. First and foremost, take a deep breath. If you feel racing thoughts and guilty feelings creeping in, stop and take a few deep, mindful breaths. Second, identify the source of your guilt and show yourself compassion. This can look like starting a journal to document each thing that causes you to feel guilty in order to take the proper steps to overcome your negative feelings. Third, prioritize self care. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else! Find a self care routine that makes you feel happy and practice it consistently. This will ultimately allow you to be more present and patient with your kids, leading to less feelings of guilt. Lastly, surround yourself with supportive people. Whether it is your friends and family, or a therapist, find someone who supports you and can help you shift your mindset and expectations of yourself.
Don’t let your guilt overshadow the amazing job you're doing raising your little ones. I’m not here to tell you that mom guilt isn’t real (it’s real and it's overwhelming). But it is completely normal and you’re doing fantastic, so take a deep breath and give yourself a break. Connect with someone who gets it. Click here
