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Becoming a parent is one of the biggest transitions in life, and while it can be filled with joy, it can also bring unexpected and distressing thoughts. Many new parents experience scary thoughts—intrusive, unwanted images or ideas about harm coming to their baby. These thoughts can feel overwhelming, shameful, and isolating, but they are far more common than most people realize.
What Are Scary Thoughts?
Scary thoughts are intrusive, distressing thoughts that often involve harm to your baby, yourself, or your family. Examples might include:
- “What if I drop the baby?”
- “What if my baby stops breathing?”
- “What if I lose control and hurt my baby?”
- “I shouldn’t be left alone with my baby.”
These thoughts are not a reflection of who you are as a parent. In fact, research shows that up to 90% of new parents experience some form of intrusive thoughts postpartum.
Why Do They Happen?
Scary thoughts can be triggered by:
- Hormonal changes – The rapid drop in estrogen and progesterone after birth can impact mood and anxiety levels.
- Sleep deprivation – Exhaustion can heighten intrusive thoughts and make them feel more intense.
- New responsibilities – The weight of caring for a fragile newborn can create heightened vigilance, which can fuel scary thoughts.
- Past trauma or anxiety – If you have a history of anxiety, OCD, or trauma, you may be more prone to intrusive thoughts postpartum.
What Do These Thoughts Mean?
Scary thoughts are often a sign of heightened anxiety, not a desire to act on them. In fact, the more distressing the thought feels, the less likely it is to be something you would ever do. These thoughts are ego-dystonic, meaning they go against your values and intentions as a parent.
However, if these thoughts become constant, overwhelming, or start to feel like urges, it’s important to seek professional support. This could be a sign of postpartum OCD or postpartum depression.
How to Cope with Scary Thoughts
- Recognize that they are normal – You are not alone, and these thoughts do not make you a bad parent.
- Label them as intrusive thoughts – Instead of reacting with fear, remind yourself, “This is just anxiety talking.”
- Don’t suppress them – Trying to push thoughts away can make them stronger. Instead, acknowledge them and let them pass.
- Talk about them – Sharing with a trusted friend, partner, or therapist can lessen the shame and fear.
- Practice grounding techniques – Deep breathing, mindfulness, and journaling can help bring you back to the present.
- Seek professional support – If scary thoughts are interfering with your daily life, therapy (especially with a perinatal therapist) can provide coping tools and reassurance.
You Are Not Alone
Scary thoughts can make new parents feel isolated and afraid, but they are a common part of the postpartum experience. If you’re struggling, know that help is available, and you deserve support. You don’t have to go through this alone. Click here to book an appointment with a perinatal therapist who can offer support.
