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No one really tells you how much your relationship will change after having kids. You expect exhaustion and busyness, not distance. Not the arguments over who does more, or the feeling that you’ve both become versions of yourselves you barely recognize.
It’s one of the most common things couples bring into therapy: We love each other, but everything feels harder now.
Why things shift
When kids arrive, everything in a relationship gets tested- time, communication, patience, intimacy. The focus shifts from us to them. And even when both partners love their children, it’s easy to lose sight of each other in the process.
Resentment builds quietly. You might start to keep score. You stop having real conversations because they all feel like business meetings where you talk about the logistics and schedule.
Despite how you’re feeling right now, this isn’t a sign your relationship is broken. It’s a sign it needs attention.
What’s underneath the conflict
Most arguments after kids aren’t really about chores or bedtime routines. They’re about feeling unseen or unsupported. They’re about one person feeling like they’re carrying more and the other feeling like they can’t do anything right.
Sometimes it’s about how different your nervous systems respond to stress. Sometimes it’s about grief, for the closeness you used to have.
Finding your way back
Reconnection starts small. It might mean actually sitting beside each other without a screen. It might mean remembering what you liked about each other before you became parents. It might mean learning to repair instead of win.
Therapy can help you learn how to communicate again, not just about logistics, but about emotion- the real stuff. What you’re feeling. What you miss. What you need.. It helps you name what’s missing without blame, and create small moments of care again.
At Bloom Psychotherapy, we work with couples who love each other but feel lost in the day-to-day chaos of parenting. We help you rebuild connection, restore teamwork, and remember that you’re partners first, even while you’re parents.
You can book an appointment online or connect with our Client Coordinator today to start getting support.
