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By Chloe at Bloom
When we become mothers, we expect sleepless nights, diaper changes, and sticky kitchen floors. But few of us are prepared for the emotional labor that comes with parenting. It’s the invisible weight—the constant mental tabs you keep open and the emotional balancing act you perform daily to keep everything and everyone afloat.
What is Emotional Labor?
Emotional labor is the unseen work of managing emotions—yours and everyone else’s. In motherhood, it shows up in countless ways:
- Anticipating your child’s needs before they can speak them
- Remembering birthdays, snack days, appointments, and growth milestones
- Calming your partner’s frustrations while pushing down your own
- Soothing your toddler’s meltdown at the grocery store while keeping a calm exterior
- Organizing your household, often without acknowledgment or reciprocation
This work doesn’t clock out. It happens while you’re driving, showering, nursing, working, or trying to fall asleep. You’re not just holding a baby—you’re holding the emotional pulse of an entire household.
And because it’s not physical or visible, it often goes unnoticed. Even by us.
Why It Feels So Heavy
The mental load can feel especially burdensome because it’s often layered with expectations of perfection. We're taught that being a "good mom" means being selfless, organized, emotionally available, calm, patient, and grateful—all the time.
So when we inevitably fall short (because we’re human), the guilt sets in. The resentment builds. And because this labor isn’t always seen by others, we might start to doubt the validity of our exhaustion.
But let me say this clearly:
You are tired because this is hard. Not because you’re weak.
The Hidden Toll
Unchecked emotional labor can lead to:
- Burnout and emotional fatigue
- Difficulty regulating your own emotions
- Feelings of resentment toward your partner or children
- Anxiety or the constant sense that you’re “dropping the ball”
- A loss of identity outside of caregiving
This is especially true for mothers who carry the bulk of the emotional and logistical tasks—whether in heterosexual relationships where the default parent role falls to them, or single mothers doing it all alone.
What You Can Do
1. Name It
Start by giving the emotional load a name. When you can say, “I’m carrying a lot of emotional labor right now,” it helps you see the root of your exhaustion, and makes it easier to communicate your needs to others.
2. Share the Load—But Truly Share It
Delegating isn’t just about asking for help—it’s about inviting others to mentally own tasks. For example, instead of asking your partner to "help" with daycare pickup, discuss how you can share the responsibility of remembering when it’s your turn, noticing what needs to be packed, and planning ahead for unexpected changes.
3. Lower the Bar of Perfection
You’re not failing if your house is messy or your toddler watched TV while you had a moment to yourself. Perfect parenting doesn’t exist—and it isn’t required. Your presence matters more than your perfection.
4. Rest Without Earning It
You don’t need to reach a breaking point before you’re “allowed” to rest. You don’t need to justify your exhaustion with a to-do list. If you’re tired, you’re tired. And that’s valid.
5. Speak Your Truth—Even If It Feels Small
Saying “I’m overwhelmed” isn’t complaining. It’s naming a reality. It’s okay to be grateful and depleted. To love your children and miss your pre-kid life. Motherhood is allowed to be complex.
If you’re feeling the weight of emotional labor and need a space to process or find support, therapy can help. I work with mothers navigating these exact challenges and would be honoured to walk alongside you. Connect today
