Managing Postpartum Resentment

Becoming a parent is a joyous and life-changing experience, but for many new moms, the postpartum period can also be a time of intense emotions, including anger, frustration, and resentment. These feelings can be triggered by a range of factors, from physical and emotional exhaustion to the demands of caring for a new baby, and they can have a serious impact on a woman's mental health and well-being.

What is Postpartum Resentment?

Postpartum resentment is a common and normal feeling experienced by many new moms. It is characterized by feelings of anger, frustration, and bitterness towards others, particularly towards a partner or family members. These feelings may be triggered by a range of factors, including physical and emotional exhaustion, a lack of support, financial stress, and unmet expectations.

While postpartum resentment can be a normal part of the postpartum experience, it can also have serious consequences for a woman's mental health and well-being. It is important to understand the causes of this emotion and to seek support and strategies for managing it.

Postpartum resentment can arise from a range of factors, including:

• Physical and Emotional Exhaustion: The demands of caring for a new baby are intense and unrelenting, and many new moms find themselves struggling to keep up with the demands of their new role. This can lead to feelings of exhaustion, both physical and emotional, which can in turn trigger feelings of resentment.
• Lack of Support: Many new moms feel that they are shouldering the majority of the responsibilities associated with caring for a new baby, and may feel unsupported and unappreciated by their partner, friends, or family members.
• Loss of Identity: Becoming a parent can be a profound and transformative experience, and many new moms feel that they have lost a part of themselves in the process. This sense of loss can trigger feelings of resentment and anger towards their new role as a mother.
• Financial Stress: The cost of having a baby can be significant, and many new moms are faced with financial stress and uncertainty as they navigate this new chapter in their lives.
• Unmet Expectations: Many new moms have expectations about what the postpartum period will be like, but in reality, it can be vastly different from what they had imagined. This disconnect between expectations and reality can trigger feelings of disappointment and resentment.

Tips for Managing Postpartum Resentment

• Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings: It is important to acknowledge that postpartum resentment is a common and normal experience, and to give yourself permission to feel your emotions. By validating your feelings, you can begin to process them and find ways to manage them in a healthy and productive way.
• Reach Out for Help: It is important to remember that you do not have to navigate the postpartum period alone. Reach out to friends, family members, or a support group for new mothers, and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
• Practice Self-Care: Taking care of yourself is essential during the postpartum period. This can include things like getting enough sleep, eating a balanced and nutritious diet, and engaging in physical activity. By taking care of yourself, you can help to build resilience and manage feelings of resentment and anger.
• Communicate with Your Partner: Open and honest communication is key to managing feelings of resentment in the postpartum period. Talk to your partner about your feelings, and work together to find ways to support each other and divide the responsibilities of caring for your baby.
• Seek Professional Help: If you are struggling to manage feelings of resentment, it may be helpful to connect with a perinatal therapist to talk through your experience and to develop strategies for managing this.  If you live in Canada, my team is available to support you.  Book now

It's important to note that postpartum resentment is a common and normal experience for many new moms, and if you are experiencing it, it does not mean that you do not love your baby or that you are a bad mom. To overcome postpartum resentment, it may be helpful for new moms to reach out for support from family, friends, or a mental health professional. It may also be helpful to set realistic expectations for oneself, prioritize self-care, and find ways to maintain a sense of identity and purpose outside of motherhood.

We have created self-care program for mom's called "From Resentment to Resilience." This was designed to help you recognize postpartum resentment and work through the common feelings that come with it. Rediscover your resilience and take the time to invest back into yourself. Learn more here