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If you’ve ever carried a wailing, spaghetti-limbed toddler out of a grocery store while your face burns with embarrassment—this is for you.
Tantrums are one of the most exhausting and bewildering parts of toddlerhood. One moment you’re having a calm breakfast, and the next, your child is screaming because you dared to peel their banana the “wrong” way. But here’s the thing: tantrums are not a sign that something is wrong with your child—or with you.
They’re a completely normal part of early development. And understanding them a little better can make them feel a little less overwhelming.
What Is a Tantrum, Exactly?
A tantrum is an intense emotional outburst that typically involves a loss of control. It can include:
- Screaming, crying, or yelling
- Kicking, hitting, biting, or throwing things
- Dropping to the floor, going limp, or becoming rigid
- Saying “no” repeatedly or making demands
- Refusing to move, speak, or cooperate
While it might look dramatic from the outside, what’s really happening is that your child is overwhelmed. Tantrums are the result of a developing brain that doesn’t yet have the tools to handle big feelings, unmet needs, or frustrating situations.
How Often Is “Normal”?
Daily tantrums are common—and expected—in children between 18 months and 3 years old. Research shows:
- Up to 75 percent of toddlers have regular tantrums
- The average toddler has one tantrum per day
- Some children may have multiple tantrums in a single day, especially when tired, hungry, overstimulated, or transitioning between activities
This phase usually peaks between ages two and three, and starts to decrease after age four as children develop more emotional regulation and communication skills.
What Counts as “Frequent”?
In clinical terms, tantrums are considered frequent if they happen:
- More than five times per week
- More than once per day, consistently
- In multiple settings (home, daycare, public spaces)
Frequent tantrums are often still within the range of typical development—but they can be tough on everyone involved. It’s worth looking at what’s triggering them, and whether your child might need additional support in learning how to regulate.
When to Be Concerned
Most tantrums are developmentally normal. But some signs may indicate that a child needs extra support, including:
- Tantrums lasting longer than 15–20 minutes
- Outbursts involving self-injury or aggression toward others
- Tantrums that happen frequently past age four
- Difficulty calming down even with support
- Major disruption to family life or preschool/daycare routines
If any of these resonate with your experience, it may be helpful to speak with a child therapist or pediatrician to explore what’s going on and how to support your child effectively.
How to Handle Tantrums With Confidence
There’s no one-size-fits-all solution for tantrums, but the following strategies can help you stay grounded and guide your child through the storm.
1. Stay Calm (Even If You’re Not Feeling Calm)
Your calm presence helps your child feel safe. Take a deep breath before responding. You are co-regulating their nervous system by showing them what it looks like to stay steady in the face of big emotions.
2. Acknowledge the Feeling
Say what you see: “You’re really upset because I said no.” Naming the emotion doesn’t mean giving in—it helps your child feel understood.
3. Set Limits With Empathy
It’s okay to say no—and it’s also okay for your child to be upset about it. You might say, “I hear that you want another cookie. It’s hard to wait, but snack time is over.”
4. Offer Simple Choices
Giving your child a small sense of control can reduce power struggles. Try offering two acceptable options: “Do you want to wear the red socks or the blue ones?”
5. Hold Boundaries With Kindness
Your child may still cry, yell, or protest—but knowing that you’re staying calm and consistent helps build trust and safety.
6. Reconnect After the Storm
Once the tantrum has passed, offer comfort and connection. A hug, a quiet activity, or just sitting together helps your child feel secure and reminds them that big feelings don’t change your love.
Final Thoughts
Tantrums are one of the most challenging parts of parenting a toddler—but they’re also one of the most normal. They don’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. In fact, they often mean your child feels safe enough to express themselves in front of you.
The goal isn’t to stop tantrums entirely. It’s to guide your child through them, with compassion and consistency, so they can slowly learn to handle their emotions in healthy ways.
And remember—you don’t have to go through this alone. If tantrums are becoming overwhelming, or you’re unsure how to support your child, a therapist who specializes in early childhood development can help.
Need support with parenting challenges?
Our team at Bloom Psychotherapy offers compassionate, expert guidance for parents navigating the toddler years. As parents, we’ve all had those moments of wondering, “Is this normal?” You’re not alone. Staying calm during your child’s big emotions can be incredibly tough—and it’s okay to need a space to process your own feelings, too. Click here to connect.
